Archives for October 2014

Are You Broken?

First let me say a big, “Hello” to all of our readers, in the Carolinas, the USA, Ukraine, Russia, France, China, India, Bulgaria, Germany, Pakistan and even the land of Skype! I am glad you enjoy this blog.

Brokenness – The very mention of the word causes many Christians to shudder inside, though they may nod their heads agreeing that it is something spiritually necessary. While Scripture makes it clear that this process is essential for optimum spiritual growth, as well as fruitfulness, there remains quite a bit of uncertainly and confusion regarding it.

Brokenness in Scripture – Romans 8:13 makes a startling statement directed at every Christian when it says, “For if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” A cursory reading of it sounds like God is saying that if you are constantly sinning, that is living according to the flesh, God is going to take you to heaven sooner than you thought! But this is not the meaning at all. He is letting us know that because of His great love for us, He is not going to permit us to keep using our flesh to cope with life. He has provided a way of coping with life which is much much better. It is Jesus Christ in us.

Brokenness is not –

Suffering Though suffering is often used by our DAD to bring us to brokenness, suffering alone is not brokenness. At GLI, we often hear people tell us they have been broken, when what they really mean is that they have been through a hellacious time of suffering. It may be a divorce, a tough marriage, a rebellious child, joblessness, money problems, a family blow up, continuous feelings of low self-esteem and inadequacy, depression, constant worry, habitual sexual sin, unresolved anger and bitterness, major disappointment, illness, adultery or other problems. When we hear the pain of these legitimate sufferings, we listen compassionately. However, we also realize that though these are no guarantee of brokenness, they can be the vehicle the Holy Spirit uses to bring them to brokenness.

Unresolved Pain Today it is common to hear someone say that they are sexually, emotionally, relationally or some other type of “broken” because of events in their past, which are causing negative consequences in their present. At GLI, we understand what they mean and don’t deny that they are in pain. We also realize they are stuck in patterns that are causing dysfunction. Yet, this is not the kind of brokenness spoken of in Scripture. Having said that, we see people in our counseling with those types of issues. We see them receive great healing from Jesus when they begin to experience Him as their Life, on the other side of spiritual brokenness.

Brokenness is – 1. A growing awareness that no matter how hard I try, my ability to make my life work is getting worse instead of better. 2. An orchestrated work of God who loves me too much to permit my fleshly coping mechanisms to keep working for me. 3. The results of the Holy Spirit moving me to the other side of brokenness so that I am changed by Him, not by my efforts. 4. A growing experience of the reality of my union with Christ in His death, burial and resurrection. 5. Not a one-time event. Though many people in our ministry can point to a time when the process of brokenness brought about a huge spiritual paradigm shift in them, they eventually realize that there are other “miniature versions” of brokenness as part of their ongoing conformity to the image of Christ. See Romans 8:28-29.

How do you know if you are broken? True brokenness from God will produce lasting transformation in us. This is a result of a type of death in which our reliance on our flesh is exchanged for reliance on Christ in us, not only as our Savior and Lord, but our Life. Colossians 4:4 says it this way, “When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.”

My personal brokenness – Every person on our staff has an amazing story of their own brokenness. I wish I could share each of those 35 stories with you. But for now, I will give you the brief version of my own.

I remember thinking one day that my life had become like our kitchen table I was staring at. I imagined that one by one, the legs on the table were being removed in the same way all of the things in my life seemed to have been removed. My friends had vanished, my goal of starting a growing church was failing, my ability to overcome sin was ineffective, and my relationship with God was stressful. These deficits had been mounting for quite some time, culminating in me to finally telling my wife, “If this is all there is to being a Christian, it doesn’t work.” I think my Father was smiling with joy knowing that I was finally where he wanted me – broken. It was there that He revealed Christ in me. It was in such a dramatic way that I had never felt the depth of His love as I did then. That is when everything began to change and my transformation received a ginormous jump start.

What to do – Tell God you know that He loves you, so you are giving Him your permission to do anything He wants to bring you to brokenness. Already experienced that initial brokenness? Have you asked Him to bring your family members to brokenness? How about your children – a tough one to pray? And if you believe you need help walking through your own brokenness, contact us. We’ve been there and we can help you or refer you to someone else in your area who can.

Believe it. It’s the Gospel!

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

Are You Broken?

Brokenness is not –

Believe it. It’s the Gospel!

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

How Christ Esteem Can Replace Your Low Self-Esteem

Researchers tell us that 80-85% of people around the world suffer from low self-esteem, including those in the United States. I think most of us believe that those who have money, fame and a winning personality are exempt from this. However, when interviewed, some of those famous people surprise us with their candidness about their struggle with self-esteem.

For example, actress Demi Moore shocked many in a 2012 interview with Harper’s Bazaar when she exclaimed, “What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me…and that I wasn’t wanted here in the first place.”

Will Smith concedes, “I still doubt myself every single day. What people believe is my self-confidence, is actually my reaction to fear.”

One source says of this worldwide malady, “Low self-esteem is a thinking disorder in which an individual views him/herself as inadequate, unlovable, and/or incompetent.”

We see low self-esteem all of the time in our counseling at Grace Life International, regardless of whether it is male, female, single, married, teens or adults.

As Christians, a large majority of us often believe most of our Christian friends have it all together and we don’t. So, we conclude that we simply aren’t as good as other people, not in a moral sense, but in the realm of lovability. That is what it all kind of comes down to, isn’t it? Do we believe in our hearts that we are lovable?

How we determine whether we are lovable is the difference between having good self-esteem or low self-esteem. Let’s ask ourselves, “Is our self-esteem based on our love-ability or is it on Jesus’ love-ability? That is, is it our abilities which make us lovable, or it is based on Jesus’ ability to make us lovable? Before someone gets bent out of shape for saying you need to love yourself, Jesus said you are to love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31)

I don’t know about you but when I evaluate myself, my failures, my successes, my appearance, what others say about me, I often fall short. It’s like we are all hoping that each day we will be able to produce more pluses than negatives, so we will have good self-esteem. And before we judge those outside the church who do this, let’s be clear that this is the essence of legalism in the church. It is hoping that my spiritual pluses will outweigh my spiritual negatives so I will be more lovable to God!

Are we truly lovable and if so, why? For each of us who are in Christ, the answer is that we are 100% lovable, 24/7 because our Father made us lovable when He completely forgave us and made us righteous in Christ! Therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:1) This doesn’t mean everything we do is pleasing to God but that what we do doesn’t make us less lovable to Him.

Let’s drill down a little deeper. God has made you lovable but do you agree with Him? In other words, do you ever say something like this? Father, because you have made me lovable in Christ, I agree with you that I am lovable. Why is this so important to agree with God? Because, we have an enemy who seems to constantly tell us how unlovable we are. Remember, he is a liar and we must replace his lies with God’s truth!

All of us should have great self-esteem in Christ because He has made us lovable. But it takes diligence to keep agreeing with God based on what Jesus has not only done for us but to us. We see many Christians in our office for counseling who after they come to an understanding of what God has done tothem, they begin to enjoy a peace with God they never had previously. Why don’t you take out a piece a paper right now and write down the prayer below? Then go somewhere private where you can pray it out loud.

Father, because you have made me lovable in Christ, I agree with You, confessing that I am lovable. Remind me Holy Spirit to pray this often. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Beleive it. It’s the Gospel!

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

How Christ Esteem Can Replace Your Low Self-Esteem

Will Smith concedes, “I still doubt myself every single day. What people believe is my self-confidence, is actually my reaction to fear.”

One source says of this worldwide malady, “Low self-esteem is a thinking disorder in which an individual views him/herself as inadequate, unlovable, and/or incompetent.”

We see low self-esteem all of the time in our counseling at Grace Life International, regardless of whether it is male, female, single, married, teens or adults.

Father, because you have made me lovable in Christ, I agree with You, confessing that I am lovable. Remind me Holy Spirit to pray this often. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Beleive it. It’s the Gospel!

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

30 Things We’ve Leaned in 30 Years of Marriage

Wedding Day

30th Anniversary

“I’m sorry but I don’t love you.” These were the damaging words that tumbled out of my mouth to Ellen the first year we were married. I cringe when I think about it now. It’s not that we had a horrible marriage but there was a deficit from my side that I desperately wanted to address, but was powerless to do so.

30 years later, I love her more than ever and I feel more loved by her than I ever have. Would you like to know our secret? It’s the healing, freeing, powerful grace of God in Christ! Let me explain.

30 Things in 30 Years

1. A revelation from the Holy Spirit of Jesus and His Complete Gospel/New Covenant is the foundation for a successful marriage.

2. Intimacy in marriage is rooted in experiencing God’s unconditional acceptance of you in Christ.

3. Jesus is your Life and your identity, not your spouse, kids or job. Not knowing this always leads to relational idolatry.

4. Asking Jesus to live through you to love your spouse every day is the only way marriage will ever work.

5. Communication is one of the biggest challenges. That takes time, intentionality and God’s grace.

6. Men and women are designed by God as loving leaders and respectful responders respectively.

7. Almost every problem in a marriage is a result of one or both spouse’s fleshly strategies taking over.

8. There is only one answer to the flesh–brokenness, so we can know Christ in us as our Life, in an ever increasing way.

9. Marriage is one of God’s greatest vehicles to break you, i.e. to reveal the bankruptcy of your flesh and to free you from it.

10. Conflict is inevitable, but reconciliation is always possible because Christ is in us.

11. Forgiving your spouse every time is essential.

12. Not asking for forgiveness when you have hurt your spouse is not only prideful but puts undue pressure on the relationship.

13. Speaking the truth in love to your spouse about their fleshly behavior is not easy but is often necessary as the Holy Spirit leads you. As a result, both of you can grow.

14. Yielding your rights to God prevents you from living in constant disappointment and hurt. E.g. The right for your spouse to meet your deepest need for love. Only Jesus can do that.

15. You are not responsible to make your spouse happy but you are responsible to love and respect him/her.

16. When a spouse shares a problem, unless they ask for it, they are not looking for a fix but a listening and understanding heart.

17. Christ living through both parents, not just one, is the best way to raise your kids.

18. Time away from the kids is an act of love that will help you feel closer to each other. This includes taking your wife on a date at least once a month which is up to the husband. (And will keep your wife sane!)

19. Though not the most important, marital sex is important for a healthy marriage.

20. It takes time and God’s grace to accept, but He knew exactly what He was doing when He put you with a spouse’s personality type, totally the opposite of yours.

21. Don’t talk about weighty matters past 8pm.

22. If you have been offended by your spouse, talk about it right then and do not let much time go by.

23. It’s OK to feel frustrated, angry and express emotion with your spouse but it is not OK to spew hurtful words or actions out of your anger, frustration or strong emotion.

24. Be on the same page about how to handle your finances using a budget. (Suggestion: Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey)

25. “Different” is not necessarily “wrong”. (Such as having your shirts hung on hangers pointing left is “different” but not “wrong” if they are hung pointing right)

26. Do stuff together (activities) as this gives opportunity for social, emotional growth and enrichment with each other.

27. Do stuff apart (activities) as this gives opportunity to let your relationship breathe and minister to others.

28. Learn your love language and your spouse’s love language. (See The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman)

29. Know and understand your spouse’s temperament and yours, along with how they complement one another and how they may conflict. (Read Tim LaHaye’s The Four Temperaments)

30. When you want to communicate with your spouse, make sure you have their undivided attention. In this day and age, miscommunication is an epidemic due to T.V., mobile phones, IPads and other technological devices. Make sure all of these are down when communicating with your spouse.

Need help in your marriage? Want to help your healthy marriage grow even stronger? Come to our Marriage by Grace Retreat led by our Vice-President and his wife, our Financial Assistant, Bill and Tonda Layle. The story of how God’s grace healed their failing marriage will inspire you. And their teaching on marriage will give you grace based tools which are powerful but founded on grace, not trying harder to be a better spouse. Please see the info in the sidebar.

Believe it. It’s the Gospel.