Grace Life International Christian Counseling Center

Christian Counseling Leading to the Life-Giving Power of God's Grace

30 Things We’ve Leaned in 30 Years of Marriage

Wedding Day
30th Anniversary

 “I’m sorry but I don’t love you.”  These were the damaging words that tumbled out of my mouth to Ellen the first year we were married.  I cringe when I think about it now.  It’s not that we had a horrible marriage but there was a deficit from my side that I desperately wanted to address, but was powerless to do so. 

30 years later, I love her more than ever and I feel more loved by her than I ever have.  Would you like to know our secret?  It’s the healing, freeing, powerful grace of God in Christ!  Let me explain. 
30 Things in 30 Years
1. A revelation from the Holy Spirit of Jesus and His Complete Gospel/New Covenant is the foundation for a successful marriage.
2. Intimacy in marriage is rooted in experiencing God’s unconditional acceptance of you in Christ.
3. Jesus is your Life and your identity, not your spouse, kids or job.  Not knowing this always leads to relational idolatry.
4. Asking Jesus to live through you to love your spouse every day is the only way marriage will ever work.
5. Communication is one of the biggest challenges. That takes time, intentionality and God’s grace.
6. Men and women are designed by God as loving leaders and respectful responders respectively.
7. Almost every problem in a marriage is a result of one or both spouse’s fleshly strategies taking over.
8. There is only one answer to the flesh–brokenness, so we can know Christ in us as our Life, in an ever increasing way.
9. Marriage is one of God’s greatest vehicles to break you, i.e. to reveal the bankruptcy of your flesh and to free you from it.
10. Conflict is inevitable, but reconciliation is always possible because Christ is in us.
11. Forgiving your spouse every time is essential.
12. Not asking for forgiveness when you have hurt your spouse is not only prideful but puts undue pressure on the relationship.
13. Speaking the truth in love to your spouse about their fleshly behavior is not easy but is often necessary as the Holy Spirit leads you. As a result, both of you can grow.
14. Yielding your rights to God prevents you from living in constant disappointment and hurt.  E.g. The right for your spouse to meet your deepest need for love.  Only Jesus can do that.
15. You are not responsible to make your spouse happy but you are responsible to love and respect him/her.
16. When a spouse shares a problem, unless they ask for it,  they are not looking for a fix but a listening and understanding heart.
17. Christ living through both parents, not just one, is the best way to raise your kids. 
18. Time away from the kids is an act of love that will help you feel closer to each other. This includes taking your wife on a date at least once a month which is up to the husband. (And will keep your wife sane!)
19. Though not the most important, marital sex is important for a healthy marriage.
20. It takes time and God’s grace to accept, but He knew exactly what He was doing when He put you with a spouse’s personality type, totally the opposite of yours.
21. Don’t talk about weighty matters past 8pm.
22. If you have been offended by your spouse, talk about it right then and do not let much time go by.
23. It’s OK to feel frustrated, angry and express emotion with your spouse but it is not OK to spew hurtful words or actions out of your anger, frustration or strong  emotion.
24. Be on the same page about how to handle your finances using a budget.  (Suggestion: Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey)
25. “Different” is not necessarily “wrong”. (Such as having your shirts hung on hangers pointing left is “different” but not “wrong” if they are hung pointing right)
26. Do stuff together (activities) as this gives opportunity for social, emotional growth and enrichment with each other.
27. Do stuff apart (activities) as this gives opportunity to let your relationship breathe and minister to others.
28. Learn your love language and your spouse’s love language.  (See The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman)
29. Know and understand your spouse’s temperament and yours, along with how they complement one another and how they may conflict. (Read Tim LaHaye’s The Four Temperaments)
30. When you want to communicate with your spouse, make sure you have their undivided attention.  In this day and age, miscommunication is an epidemic due to T.V., mobile phones, IPads and other technological devices. Make sure all of these are down when communicating with your spouse.
                    
Need help in your marriage?  Want to help your healthy marriage grow even stronger?  Come to our Marriage by Grace Retreat led by our Vice-President and his wife, our Financial Assistant, Bill and Tonda Layle.  The story of how God’s grace healed their failing marriage will inspire you.  And their teaching on marriage will give you grace based tools which are powerful but founded on grace, not trying harder to be a better spouse.  Please see the info in the sidebar.
Believe it.  It’s the Gospel.

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

30 Things We’ve Leaned in 30 Years of Marriage

Wedding Day
30th Anniversary

 “I’m sorry but I don’t love you.”  These were the damaging words that tumbled out of my mouth to Ellen the first year we were married.  I cringe when I think about it now.  It’s not that we had a horrible marriage but there was a deficit from my side that I desperately wanted to address, but was powerless to do so. 

30 years later, I love her more than ever and I feel more loved by her than I ever have.  Would you like to know our secret?  It’s the healing, freeing, powerful grace of God in Christ!  Let me explain. 
30 Things in 30 Years
1. A revelation from the Holy Spirit of Jesus and His Complete Gospel/New Covenant is the foundation for a successful marriage.
2. Intimacy in marriage is rooted in experiencing God’s unconditional acceptance of you in Christ.
3. Jesus is your Life and your identity, not your spouse, kids or job.  Not knowing this always leads to relational idolatry.
4. Asking Jesus to live through you to love your spouse every day is the only way marriage will ever work.
5. Communication is one of the biggest challenges. That takes time, intentionality and God’s grace.
6. Men and women are designed by God as loving leaders and respectful responders respectively.
7. Almost every problem in a marriage is a result of one or both spouse’s fleshly strategies taking over.
8. There is only one answer to the flesh–brokenness, so we can know Christ in us as our Life, in an ever increasing way.
9. Marriage is one of God’s greatest vehicles to break you, i.e. to reveal the bankruptcy of your flesh and to free you from it.
10. Conflict is inevitable, but reconciliation is always possible because Christ is in us.
11. Forgiving your spouse every time is essential.
12. Not asking for forgiveness when you have hurt your spouse is not only prideful but puts undue pressure on the relationship.
13. Speaking the truth in love to your spouse about their fleshly behavior is not easy but is often necessary as the Holy Spirit leads you. As a result, both of you can grow.
14. Yielding your rights to God prevents you from living in constant disappointment and hurt.  E.g. The right for your spouse to meet your deepest need for love.  Only Jesus can do that.
15. You are not responsible to make your spouse happy but you are responsible to love and respect him/her.
16. When a spouse shares a problem, unless they ask for it,  they are not looking for a fix but a listening and understanding heart.
17. Christ living through both parents, not just one, is the best way to raise your kids. 
18. Time away from the kids is an act of love that will help you feel closer to each other. This includes taking your wife on a date at least once a month which is up to the husband. (And will keep your wife sane!)
19. Though not the most important, marital sex is important for a healthy marriage.
20. It takes time and God’s grace to accept, but He knew exactly what He was doing when He put you with a spouse’s personality type, totally the opposite of yours.
21. Don’t talk about weighty matters past 8pm.
22. If you have been offended by your spouse, talk about it right then and do not let much time go by.
23. It’s OK to feel frustrated, angry and express emotion with your spouse but it is not OK to spew hurtful words or actions out of your anger, frustration or strong  emotion.
24. Be on the same page about how to handle your finances using a budget.  (Suggestion: Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey)
25. “Different” is not necessarily “wrong”. (Such as having your shirts hung on hangers pointing left is “different” but not “wrong” if they are hung pointing right)
26. Do stuff together (activities) as this gives opportunity for social, emotional growth and enrichment with each other.
27. Do stuff apart (activities) as this gives opportunity to let your relationship breathe and minister to others.
28. Learn your love language and your spouse’s love language.  (See The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman)
29. Know and understand your spouse’s temperament and yours, along with how they complement one another and how they may conflict. (Read Tim LaHaye’s The Four Temperaments)
30. When you want to communicate with your spouse, make sure you have their undivided attention.  In this day and age, miscommunication is an epidemic due to T.V., mobile phones, IPads and other technological devices. Make sure all of these are down when communicating with your spouse.
                    
Need help in your marriage?  Want to help your healthy marriage grow even stronger?  Come to our Marriage by Grace Retreat led by our Vice-President and his wife, our Financial Assistant, Bill and Tonda Layle.  The story of how God’s grace healed their failing marriage will inspire you.  And their teaching on marriage will give you grace based tools which are powerful but founded on grace, not trying harder to be a better spouse.  Please see the info in the sidebar.
Believe it.  It’s the Gospel.

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

Surprising Self-worth!

A few years ago, a New York family spent a leisurely Saturday perusing yard sales.  A small 5 inch white bowl caught their eye, but they were only willing to give $3 for it.  It sat on a shelf in their home for six years and was probably used to hold candy.  Eventually, the owners became curious about its value and took it to have it appraised.  To their surprise, they were in possession of a 1000 year old rare “Ding” bowl from the Northern Song Dynasty of China.  Sotheby’s presented it for auction on behalf of the family where it sold for a whopping $2.2 million dollars!  This makes me want to go to a yard sale right now!
As you ponder that story, which value do you place on yourself?  Do you constantly think of yourself as a $3 common bowl, a $2.2 million dollar treasure or somewhere in-between?  I suppose, for all of us, it depends on who is doing the appraising.  Most often, we consider the opinions of others, along with our own performance and appearance to be what determines our value.  If we perform well and others think well of us, we give ourselves high value.  If the opposite is true, we give ourselves minimal value.  At the end of the day, the value of anything or anybody is determined by what someone is willing to give to purchase it.  Right? 
Why don’t we stop for a moment and let God appraise you?  As He looks you over, He thinks, then He looks some more and finally He writes down His estimation of you.  His answer?  He is willing to give His only Son, Jesus Christ, so He can purchase you!  YOU, are as valuable to Him as His Son!  He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Romans 8:32.
It’s not that we are worthy of salvation through our works.  We are not.  However, God has assigned worth and value to us as demonstrated by the gift of His Son.   The question then is this:  Do you place the same value on yourself as God does?  If so, pray something  like this to your Father. 
Father, because You gave the most valuable possession You had when you gave Your Son to die for me, You have made clear that I have great worth in Your eyes.  Thank You!  As a result, because You say I have great worth, I agree with You and say back to You that I have great worth, no matter how I feel today or how I have performed this week. Amen.

Believe it!  It’s the Gospel!


Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

Surprising Self-worth!

A few years ago, a New York family spent a leisurely Saturday perusing yard sales.  A small 5 inch white bowl caught their eye, but they were only willing to give $3 for it.  It sat on a shelf in their home for six years and was probably used to hold candy.  Eventually, the owners became curious about its value and took it to have it appraised.  To their surprise, they were in possession of a 1000 year old rare “Ding” bowl from the Northern Song Dynasty of China.  Sotheby’s presented it for auction on behalf of the family where it sold for a whopping $2.2 million dollars!  This makes me want to go to a yard sale right now!
As you ponder that story, which value do you place on yourself?  Do you constantly think of yourself as a $3 common bowl, a $2.2 million dollar treasure or somewhere in-between?  I suppose, for all of us, it depends on who is doing the appraising.  Most often, we consider the opinions of others, along with our own performance and appearance to be what determines our value.  If we perform well and others think well of us, we give ourselves high value.  If the opposite is true, we give ourselves minimal value.  At the end of the day, the value of anything or anybody is determined by what someone is willing to give to purchase it.  Right? 
Why don’t we stop for a moment and let God appraise you?  As He looks you over, He thinks, then He looks some more and finally He writes down His estimation of you.  His answer?  He is willing to give His only Son, Jesus Christ, so He can purchase you!  YOU, are as valuable to Him as His Son!  He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Romans 8:32.
It’s not that we are worthy of salvation through our works.  We are not.  However, God has assigned worth and value to us as demonstrated by the gift of His Son.   The question then is this:  Do you place the same value on yourself as God does?  If so, pray something  like this to your Father. 
Father, because You gave the most valuable possession You had when you gave Your Son to die for me, You have made clear that I have great worth in Your eyes.  Thank You!  As a result, because You say I have great worth, I agree with You and say back to You that I have great worth, no matter how I feel today or how I have performed this week. Amen.

Believe it!  It’s the Gospel!


Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

When Brushing Your Teeth is an Act of Righteousness

I want you to imagine for a moment two large wooden boxes in your home.  When you peer inside the first one, you see it filled all the way to the top with the foulest smelling garbage ever.  As you examine the second one, you find it contains beautiful golden coins but they scarcely fill the bottom.  In a similar way, we often keep two boxes in our minds.  In the first box, we place our actions we believe are sinful, thinking this one is always filled to the brim.  In the other box, we place the actions we believe are righteous, thinking it barely fills the bottom.
This kind of thinking is “stinkin thinkin.”   It is a result of misunderstanding gospel.  This commonly preached version of the gospel has convinced many us that our hearts are sinful through and through, even though we are in Christ.   Scriptures like Jeremiah 17:9 are used as proof.  “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”  Yet, this is a reference to our former heart (identity) in Adam.
The genuine Gospel unveils quite a different and encouraging reality.  We have been given a new heart according to Ezekiel 36:26.  “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”  This new heart is a heart of stone, meaning it is not sinful.  It has been replaced through our death, burial and resurrection with Jesus.  This new heart “of flesh”, is soft and always desires to live a righteous life.  This new heart is our identity in Christ, a righteous and holy identity. (Hebrews 8:10)  That is why we can say that our deepest desire it to live a life which pleases God. 
In addition, we have the Holy Spirit in us to fill us with the life of Jesus.  Every time we depend on Him to live His life through us, whatever we are doing, that action is an act of righteousness.   “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”   (Philippians 1:21)  We were designed by God to really live when Christ is living through us!  John 10:10 says, “I have come that they may have life and have it in abundance.”
On the other hand, whenever we are not depending on Him to live through us, whatever we do is an act of sin.  Romans 15:23b says, “Whatever is not from faith is sin.”  When we are not doing something by faith, that is, when we are not relying on Christ to do it through us, it is sinful, even if we doing something good like serving in our local church.
Why don’t we all change our focus to the real gospel? Every day, let’s ask the Holy Spirit to fill us with the love and life of Jesus, so He can live through us moment by moment.  As we do, we will realize our box of righteousness is much fuller than we might have previously thought!  Why?  Because everything we do will be an act of righteousness.  When we pray and read our Bible, that will be an act of righteousness.  When we drive to work, that will be an act of righteousness.  When we do our job, that will be an act of righteousness.  When we eat our lunch, that will be an act of righteousness.  And when we brush our teeth after lunch, even that will be an act of righteousness!

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

When Brushing Your Teeth is an Act of Righteousness

I want you to imagine for a moment two large wooden boxes in your home.  When you peer inside the first one, you see it filled all the way to the top with the foulest smelling garbage ever.  As you examine the second one, you find it contains beautiful golden coins but they scarcely fill the bottom.  In a similar way, we often keep two boxes in our minds.  In the first box, we place our actions we believe are sinful, thinking this one is always filled to the brim.  In the other box, we place the actions we believe are righteous, thinking it barely fills the bottom.
This kind of thinking is “stinkin thinkin.”   It is a result of misunderstanding gospel.  This commonly preached version of the gospel has convinced many us that our hearts are sinful through and through, even though we are in Christ.   Scriptures like Jeremiah 17:9 are used as proof.  “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”  Yet, this is a reference to our former heart (identity) in Adam.
The genuine Gospel unveils quite a different and encouraging reality.  We have been given a new heart according to Ezekiel 36:26.  “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”  This new heart is a heart of stone, meaning it is not sinful.  It has been replaced through our death, burial and resurrection with Jesus.  This new heart “of flesh”, is soft and always desires to live a righteous life.  This new heart is our identity in Christ, a righteous and holy identity. (Hebrews 8:10)  That is why we can say that our deepest desire it to live a life which pleases God. 
In addition, we have the Holy Spirit in us to fill us with the life of Jesus.  Every time we depend on Him to live His life through us, whatever we are doing, that action is an act of righteousness.   “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”   (Philippians 1:21)  We were designed by God to really live when Christ is living through us!  John 10:10 says, “I have come that they may have life and have it in abundance.”
On the other hand, whenever we are not depending on Him to live through us, whatever we do is an act of sin.  Romans 15:23b says, “Whatever is not from faith is sin.”  When we are not doing something by faith, that is, when we are not relying on Christ to do it through us, it is sinful, even if we doing something good like serving in our local church.
Why don’t we all change our focus to the real gospel? Every day, let’s ask the Holy Spirit to fill us with the love and life of Jesus, so He can live through us moment by moment.  As we do, we will realize our box of righteousness is much fuller than we might have previously thought!  Why?  Because everything we do will be an act of righteousness.  When we pray and read our Bible, that will be an act of righteousness.  When we drive to work, that will be an act of righteousness.  When we do our job, that will be an act of righteousness.  When we eat our lunch, that will be an act of righteousness.  And when we brush our teeth after lunch, even that will be an act of righteousness!

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

The Surprise of God’s Wrath on a Nation In the Context of Grace

Many may be surprised at this, but God’s wrath that comes on a nation is the result of the majority rejecting Him as their Creator Who loves them and wants a relationship with them. His wrath is revealed not by what He does to them but what He permits them to do to themselves. He permits these things to happen by the removal of His grace which was like a fence holding them back from certain sins. Once He removes those fences, that nation will begin to destroy it’s own social structure. In this increasingly hopeless situation the good news is that Jesus Christ still desires to forgive and come live in every person who sincerely invites Him. No matter how much a nation or individual has messed up their lives, He still loves them and desires to be intimate with them. This intimacy with Him always results in transformation both personally and nationally. There is always hope in Him! If you wonder where I got this from, read Romans chapter 1 in the Bible.

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

The Surprise of God’s Wrath on a Nation In the Context of Grace

Many may be surprised at this, but God’s wrath that comes on a nation is the result of the majority rejecting Him as their Creator Who loves them and wants a relationship with them. His wrath is revealed not by what He does to them but what He permits them to do to themselves. He permits these things to happen by the removal of His grace which was like a fence holding them back from certain sins. Once He removes those fences, that nation will begin to destroy it’s own social structure. In this increasingly hopeless situation the good news is that Jesus Christ still desires to forgive and come live in every person who sincerely invites Him. No matter how much a nation or individual has messed up their lives, He still loves them and desires to be intimate with them. This intimacy with Him always results in transformation both personally and nationally. There is always hope in Him! If you wonder where I got this from, read Romans chapter 1 in the Bible.

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Continue Reading »

Every Thought We Have Is Not Our Own

It is so encouraging to know that not every thought entering our mind is our own and to be able to tell ourself that. Because of this, it’s also good to know that since feelings follow our thoughts, not every feeling we have is the truth. We have an enemy who wages war against our souls but we have a gospel which gives us understanding in how to discern what is true and what is not

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding but feel free to pass it on

Continue Reading »

Every Thought We Have Is Not Our Own

It is so encouraging to know that not every thought entering our mind is our own and to be able to tell ourself that. Because of this, it’s also good to know that since feelings follow our thoughts, not every feeling we have is the truth. We have an enemy who wages war against our souls but we have a gospel which gives us understanding in how to discern what is true and what is not

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding but feel free to pass it on

Continue Reading »

Charlotte

1337 Hundred Oaks Drive Suite EE
Charlotte,NC 28217

(704) 522-9026

Mon & Wed: 9:30a – 4:00p
Tues: 1:30 pm – 8:30 pm
Thurs: 1:30 pm – 8:30 pm
Fri to Sun: Closed

Asheville

1328-F Patton Avenue
Asheville, NC 28806

(704) 522-9026

Mon, Wed, Fri: 9:00a – 5:00p
Tue, Thu: 9:00a – 9:00p

Student Login

You are not currently logged in.








» Lost your Password?

grace-life-international-logo

Site Map
704-522-9026

Free E-Newsletter