Have you ever been offended by someone who either didn’t know it or didn’t admit it? Sure, you have. So, what do we do when that happens? First, let’s acknowledge that some of us do not like confrontation and avoid it, if possible, because of fear. Others don’t mind confrontation in any way but can do it in anger. Both groups need to let Christ live through them to speak the truth in love. Let’s look at what Jesus said about this critical issue.
In Matthew 18:15, Jesus addresses this when He says, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” This is a private conversation between you and the other person. Although we sometimes need the wise counsel of another Christian, we go to the person in private as a demonstration of our love for them. If we don’t, we can fall into the traps of bitterness or gossiping about them. Neither is best for them or us.
If we are considering approaching someone, let’s make sure the Holy Spirit is leading us. Sometimes, we don’t need to approach them. We just forgive them in prayer and let it go. Yet, if we know we are being led, we want to prepare beforehand by praying and thinking through what we plan to say. For example, we don’t want to call them names or yell at them.
So, let’s say you approach a person. They will not admit they have done anything wrong to you. Then what? That may be all Jesus wants you to do, or you may need to take someone else with you as Jesus says in verse 16, “But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that two or three witnesses may confirm everything you say.” The witness may be a Biblical Christian counselor or a wise Christian leader.
In extreme cases, you may need to see if the third option is possible in your local church or with a group of people who exhibit Christ’s wisdom. In verse 17, Jesus says, “If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then, if he or she doesn’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.” The Holy Spirit will then lead the church leadership or group in deciding whether to remove this person from their fellowship. This would not be a punishment but an opportunity for the person to admit what they have done and take responsibility by confessing it to this group and you.
This is challenging, and a group or church may be unwilling to do this. The bigger question is this. Is there anyone our Father is bringing to mind whom you may need to talk with who has offended you?
