If you are in a relationship, how you view yourself and the other person often determines your level of relational enjoyment. These questions may help you assess this. Do I accept myself the way God accepts me? Do I accept the other person the way God accepts him/her? If you are unable to give a clear “yes” to each of those, then your relational enjoyment may be in jeopardy.
Jasmine and Carlos are two Christians who were angry at each other because of continual critical words. As I probed this with them, they were both harboring less than desirable judgments about the worth of the other person.
Jasmine was very self-critical. In her own words, she revealed that she was harder on herself than she was on anyone else. The days she performed well she could accept herself. On the days she did not perform well, she beat herself up with an inner dialogue. She often said, “I struggle to accept myself.” When Carlos criticized her, she angrily defended herself and told him what she did not like about him. Even when unprovoked, she also criticized him at other times.
On the other hand, Carlos had seen himself as somewhat of an “Iron Man” like Tony Stark in the Marvel movies. He had experienced such tremendous success, he sadly believed he was superior to almost everyone including Jasmine. He not only criticized her but blew up with hot anger if she confronted him. This was a cover-up for the insecurity he felt deep inside.
These types of personal and relational issues are not unusual and they come in different flavors, negatively affecting individuals and those who are married, engaged, or dating. If a person’s foundation for self-worth is not in Christ, then it negatively affects their relationships. Over time conflict ensues and they can find themselves in the “crazy cycle” repeating the same arguments over and over.
What is God’s solution? It is to understand His marvelous opinion of you. That is the ultimate key to great self-worth. Let us consider a few Biblical truths that show us what Jesus thinks of us from Matthew 13:44-46.
44 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. 45 Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”
Incredibly, the man who finds the treasure and fine pearl represents Jesus. It may shock you to see that the treasure and the fine pearl represent you! Jesus is saying that He gave all He had, His life, on the cross to purchase you. That is how valuable you are to Him. Hebrew 12:2b says it this way, “For the joy set before him he endured the cross.” He had and has great joy in purchasing you with His life so you could be in His family.
He now wants you to agree with Him that you have great worth to God and therefore great self-worth. Then you can view the other people in your life as having great worth as well.
This week, I encourage you to look in the mirror and say out loud, “Jesus because You gave Your life on the cross to purchase me, I have great self-worth.” And in your other relationships continue by saying, “Jesus because You gave Your life on the cross to purchase _______, he/she has great worth to me.” You will be pouring a big dose of Jesus-bought self-worth on yourself and him/her!