Before coming to Grace Life International, I was on a path of recovery from drugs and men. Inside of me, there was something missing. I had no doubt that I was a Christian, yet I felt empty, numb, and unworthy of God’s love – much less anyone else’s acceptance. There was such deep pain within that I did not know how to deal with it. So, I started drugs to escape the hurt and shame of not feeling good enough.
There were nights I prayed and begged God to take me home to be with Him. I didn’t want to kill myself, but I didn’t want to live anymore either. I kept thinking, “There has to be a better way than this. How can some people feel such a presence of the Lord? How could I trust in Jesus so that the rest of my life would be different? These were questions that ran through my mind as I began the journey with my discipleship counselor at Grace Life.
After three months of counseling and attending the Grace Life conference, I’m excited to say that God has taken this broken woman and started to heal her! The biggest thing I learned is that I was still living my life in the flesh, which is apparently what most Christians do. I was living off my emotions, instead of God’s truth. This problem led me to hit my head against the wall of defeat over and over, which made me feel inadequate as a person and ill-equipped as a Christian. In short, I had not totally surrendered my life to Christ. The most beautiful thing Jesus revealed to me is that He truly loves me inside and out. Even better, in Him, I am good enough.
Today, I can say, “Hi, my name is Roxy, and I am deeply in love with Jesus,” and mean it with every fiber of my being. Life can still be hard and old feelings still try to creep up. But, knowing Jesus loves me and lives through me makes getting up every morning with a reason to smile and face the day with a new perspective. Now, when I look at my reflection in the mirror, I don’t see a disheartened and damaged woman anymore. Instead, I see a woman who died with Jesus on the cross and was resurrected with Him to a new life (see Romans 6:4-9). The best is yet to come! I am forever changed through what I learned at Grace Life International!