Perfectionism affects 92% of all people, according to a study by Vitale Buford Hardin and her company, The Hardin Group. It is so widespread that almost every person is touched by it. This study also reported the following:
- 86% believed perfectionist expectations impact their work
- 72% believe perfectionism is harmful to relationship-building
- 68% believe perfectionism leads to burnout
- 66% believe perfectionism leads to fear of failure and conflict avoidance
Many of us on the Grace Life International counseling staff have struggled under the weight of perfectionism in our own lives, but discovered God’s answer. Yet, some perfectionism is warranted. For example, if a neurosurgeon is operating on your brain, you definitely want that doctor to do it perfectly! On the other hand, excessive perfectionism can be destructive. So, what is the pressure behind perfectionism?
In a word, it’s fear. This fear causes us to be ultra-driven so we can accept ourselves. In other words, it’s an attempt to meet our God-given need for acceptance. If we don’t perfectly perform a task in our job, being a spouse, obeying God, eating healthy, exercising, etc., we consider ourselves a failure. This produces a lot of stress and anxiety. We also beat ourselves up with self-condemnation, which can lead to discouragement, depression, and negative comfort seeking. In relationships, we can unwittingly require perfectionism of those we care about.
Perfectionism is from the knowledge of good and evil we inherited from Adam after he and Eve ate from that tree in Genesis 3:6. This knowledge causes us to formulate standards we think we must live up to, so when we tally our pluses and minuses, we will have a positive rating. Then it starts all over the next day or week. This is not only personal for us, but it’s also how every false religion and cult operates.
How can we live free from the pressure behind perfectionism? First and foremost, we need to understand that our God-given need for acceptance has ALREADY been met for us through Jesus’s perfect death, burial, and resurrection. We were united with Christ spiritually, so everything about us that was unacceptable to God was eternally removed. In addition, the Holy Spirit replaced all of it with everything we need to be acceptable to God. To be specific, every past, present, and future sin, as well as your identity as a sinner, was removed. These were replaced with infinite forgiveness and an immaculate identity, so God calls us saints (holy ones) over sixty times in the New Testament.
Do you believe this about you? I’m not asking if you feel this or act like this? When we practice accepting this reality, the areas where we drive ourselves to act perfectly improve over time, allowing us to relax more and more. Yet, the truth is, we often need a spiritually wise counselor to walk with us through our perfectionism so we can take the pressure off. At Grace Life International Counseling Center, we have done this with thousands of people over the past thirty years. Why don’t you set up a consultation today to see what we offer? Just text or call at 704-522-9026. We are glad to help.
